• A Gift of Steam

    As much as I love Steam, there’s one big problem with it: no “invisible” mode. Steam is always up and running when my computer is, so I never have it […]

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  • carpetbagger.

    I thought I heard a bird just now. Like the warble of one of their songs – the bird version of a rolling “R.” But maybe it was just my […]

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  • THE LAST STARFIGHTER Review

    The Last Starfighter 1984 / 101 min Directed by: Nick Castle Written by: Jonathan R. Betuel The concept of “The Last Starfighter” is better than the movie. An alien named […]

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The Fatal Flaw In Every Stealth Game

All stealth in games is shoehorned in, plopped in half-assed, or just absolute garbage.* But is that really the worst part about stealth games? You’d be surprised to learn that, no, it’s not. The fact that stealth games will have shitty stealth gameplay is a given, so many developers give you ways to play the game without using it. And that is the problem.

I can understand and even emphasize with the stealth gameplay being complete terrible because these games will usually give you a gameplay choice between either the run-n-gun or the stealth path. But, they won’t give you a story choice between the two.

Here is how the stealth options work in regards to the story paths, character choices, and endings in these games.

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You’re Stupid For Thinking The Ending Of “Signs” Is Bad

I’ve stayed quiet since 2002, but I’m past that now. I’ve got to get this off of my chest after hearing and reading so much bullshit about how M. Night Shyamalan’s movie “Signs” has a bad ending. I’ve endured this stupidity for too long, I’m going to just do a final say on it.

First, I’m not exactly a Shyamalan apologist, although I do consider myself a huge fan. “The Sixth Sense” was a great movie, “Unbreakable” was even better, and “Signs” was his best. After that, was the total nonsense of “The Village” and “Lady in the Water.” Both of those are pretty indefensible pieces of shit, although I do enjoy watching them, merely for the so-strangely-bad they’re-compelling factor. I thought that “The Happening” was a very entertaining B movie, that wasn’t aiming any higher than being a B movie, and I have not seen “The Last Airbender.”

BEWARE SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE “SIGNS” ARE BELOW

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EXCLUSIVE Call of Duty: Black Ops II Pre-Review

This is the first of a series of “pre-reviews” I’m doing of the newest, hottest, unreleased games. A pre-review is a comprehensive, top-to-bottom, no-holds-barred review done before actually playing any of the game. Hold on tight and buckle your seat belt!

It may be too early to say, but CODBLOPS 2 is in serious contention for game of the year. The single-player seems to have been given the most polish, which is pretty lengthy, involved, and legitimately mature. The same can’t be said for the multi-player, unfortunately.

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How to Judge a Fantasy Novel Without Reading a Sentence (Part 2): The Page-To-Map Method

Missed the first installment? See Part 1.

What’s the best way to judge fantasy book in the most scientific way without reading a sentence? It’s a method called Page-To-Map (PTM). This method takes into account how long it takes for a map to appear in the book, whether 2 pages in, 10 pages in, or none at all. The sooner the map appears, the shittier the book.

We’ll go through the list of fantasy novels from when they were first released. We’ll be able to document whether the PTM has gotten better or worse as time went on. If the novels are part of a series, they will be judged based on the first installment. Now, before we begin…

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Gaming Hell: Shit Ports – The Sins of LA Noire

I pre-ordered LA Noire for PC, and I was able to get it same-day shipping from Amazon. I was totes psyched for this game after abstaining from buying it on the PS3. I wanted to own it on the superior platform. I popped it in, and after a lengthy install of two discs, my body was ready.

When you first start-up the game, it immediately prompts you to install the latest patch. Here’s where the first hiccup came in. I would install it, and it would correctly update, but after restarting, it would act like the patch was never installed. It again downloaded and installed the patch. A vicious cycle.

After futzing around with everything in the install folder, I actually stopped running the launcher and just ran the regular executable after the patched installed. Finally, it started up as it would normally.

Why didn’t I try this before? Because both the launcher and .exe file go to the exact same place, but the patch only updates the .exe. The launcher is always going to be the same file, even after the patch is downloaded and installed. Hell if I know why.

After finally getting to the main screen, I came to the biggest problem I was going to be facing (at least up until this point).

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How To Judge A Fantasy Novel Without Reading a Sentence (Part 1): The Stages of a First-Impression

Tell me if this is at all familiar.

I open the book cautiously. I get past the title page without a problem. So far, so good. The next page is the one I turn with true trepidation. My fears are founded, as I come face to face with a two-page map.

Yeah, this is a map all right. Places I’ve never heard of before or care about at all. Okay, so I’ll suck it up this one time. My friend told me this series was good. I’ll try and ignore the author’s total display of arrogance and his egotistical opinion that his fantasy novel needs a fucking map in the beginning.

Did he include it so I wouldn’t get lost while reading? Is it there because it may come in handy for the reader to see visually where the characters live and where they are traveling? You must be joking.

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