Ed’s Note: Presenting the first chapter of our very own Trystain’s ongoing Harry Potter fanfic: Harry & Hagar: Partners in Prank. Trystain is more prolific than gifted, as will be painfully clear, but nevertheless we believe there is some sort of limited entertainment value that can be gathered from this. Also, Trystain is letting us post these without paying him, so hey, free content! Enjoy!(?)
Hagar knocks on harry door. open up the door arry, says hagar who is screaming this. harry pretend he cant hear and covers his head with his pillow then hagar says arry if you dont open up right now i will tell harmoniny that you like her! (lol) harry wakes up and lets hagar in. hagar is harrys best friend at Hogsmarts, which is the best of the wizards schools in all of the nation of europe,. hagar is the janitor at the school and has a bunch of diff animals in his shed such as: hiffgriffs, shagglebums, grumbleskins, cats, dogs and dragons. also rats and those flying lion birds.
anyway hagar says to harry i just got a limited edition bugsy bort every bean and its a really gross flavor can you guess what it is? and harry says no in a sleepy tone since he just got woke up and hagar is always waking harry up in the middle of the night with his psycho skeems. hagar says its a poop flavored bean and i need youre help so we can make malboy eat it lol.
harry puts his scarf on and his glasses. but hagar when are we gonna feed malboy the bean? says harry. i have a present and we will send it by owls and he’ll think his GF gave it to him. lmao thats good harry says. ok harry lets go, says hagar and they both leave to the owl room since it is now morning.
now its morning and everyone is in the owl room including harry and hagar now who just came in through the front doors. harry says are you sure malboy is coming, yes i am 100% sure says hagar. i saw maldoys dog outside and he gets his mail by dog instead of an owl because he thinks its cooler than getting mail by owl instead. harry says why would he do that hagar since he will get his mail late, then hagar says thats okay harry sometimes the popular kids and bullies do things and its hard to understand them and thats because you are smarter than them in all ways. ok says harry.
hold on here comes malboy says hagar. malboy comes in the owl room and his dog named meanie runs up to malboy with the present around his neck like the barrel dogs that had beer in barrels around there necks. malboy takes the present from his dog but then see harry and hagar. wait what are you doin here he says.
i was just waiting for mail says hagar. harry says i was waiting for the newspaper to come which is why i am in the owl room with hagar. malboy then says that is just like the half blood prince to sit around not doing jack in the owl room ahahaha says malboy. (note: read about how harry became the half blood prince in “harry potter is the half blood prince” which is book 6, if you dont want to read it then skip over the next spot ~~~***!SPOILER!***~~~ he is called the half blood prince because he is half moggle and half human which means he only has half wizard powers instead of full like valdemar or malboy. he is called prince because he was part of a royal family but thats a long story lol anyway back to the story!)
so as i was saying says malboy you are nothing but a half blood prince hahahaha and then harry all a sudden feels like red in his face and he wants to punch maldoy but hagar whispers in harry ear, not yet harry just wait until he opens his present than it will all be worth it. harry says ok and he puts his hand down in the fist posture. next time malboy! harry thinks
malboy sit down and begin to open his present. then all a sudden comes in harminny and roy weasel, harry’s best friend in the whole world, hey harry says harmonniny, oh no says hagar you need to get her out of here harry once malboy bites into the bort bean than the whole owl room will smell like poop! oh no says harry.
harminny sits down by harry and so does roy, hey whats up harry says roy, nothing much replys harry. what are you guys doing here harry says, well harminny says me and roy are on break from classes, WHAT says harry he says i dont remember classes being today, and then harminny says oh thats cuz i am doing extra credits classes today and roy is helping me with them. roy look at harry just then and they are both like oh yeah and harry is angry at roy and thinking i should of been helping harmoniny on her classes and instead i am in the owl room with stupid hagar doing pranks. roy says oh well nice seeing you harry we got to get back to studying and then he winks at harry. later harry byee says harmoniny and then harry says bye. harry gives roy a mean look but roy is already left with harmoniny by that time. wew says hagar that was close but good thing they are gone now.
malboy has already open the present but luckly hagar has made another present inside it. hagar says that was to buy us time just in case and also because the bork bean is very small and it might come out if the present box is too big. wew says harry. hagar and harry watch and wait and are hoping that nothing else interupts them now
then all a sudden dumbledorf come in with all his wizard robe outfit on carrying his wand. he is whistling who let the dogs out (lol) WHAT? what is dumbledorf doing here says hagar. i dont know says harry, dont worry i will take care of this for us harry, says hagar. hagar goes to dumbledorf and he starts talking to him. dumbledorf is still taking a long time getting his owl mail because he is havig trouble reading the words on the letters. hagar then is like here i can help you and sorts through dumbledorfs mails. then dumbledorf says thanks to hagar and moves his wizard hat at harry and harry is like whatever. hagar comes back and says that was a close one arry. now malboy has open the entire present and sees a cupcake. on top of the cupcake is the brown Bort bean.
yup says hagar, that is a chocolate cupcake which means that malboy will eat the bean thinking that it is a chocolate chip or something like that. lol good thinking says harry. they wait while malboy looks at the cupcake. mmmm this looks good says malboy. he takes off the bean and sets it down. then he eats the cupcake.
oh no he isnt eating the bean, says harry. dont worry, says hagar, he will eat the bean when he is done with the cupcake, it’s just like a cherry sometimes people eat it after instead of at first. harry and hagar wait and then malboy finishes and he puts the bean in his mouth. then he crunches down and the room seems to silent.
then all a sudden a smell comes out like someone pooped. malboy makes a puke sound and then everyone starts laughing and saying eeewwww gross malboy pooped his pants dude thats nasty and then harry and hagar are like yeah we did it but then the room smells like poop but they are trapped in the room. so its like they got their revenge on malboy but even so, they had to smell poop so they got a taste of their own medicine in the end. bullies are bad but sometimes they are people too and its better not to be mean to people which is why you should be nice to everyone you meet :-P
anyway hagar and harry run out of the poop smelling owl room and they are laughing but also not feeling good because they can smell the nasty smell. hagar gives harry the secret handshake and then says that was sweet arry but i got to get back to my shed, alright says harry, see you later.
just then harry accidentally steps into professor snake and he says did you do the poop in the owl room, potter? and harry, who was laughing earlier is like, no, that was not me, i dont know who did that, it must have been valdemar. prof snake then says well i can tell you are lying because i know that is a bork bean limited edition poop flavor and you got it from hagar. oh no says harry, i am going to end up suspend from hogsmarts! then prof snake says, unless you want to be expell from hogsmarts, you have to do one thing for me potter and then harry is saying anything prof snake anything and then snake says potter i think it is time you and me turn a prank on prof dumbledorf, harry gasp… (TO BE CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!!!)