You’re Stupid For Thinking The Ending Of “Signs” Is Bad

I’ve stayed quiet since 2002, but I’m past that now. I’ve got to get this off of my chest after hearing and reading so much bullshit about how M. Night Shyamalan’s movie “Signs” has a bad ending. I’ve endured this stupidity for too long, I’m going to just do a final say on it.

First, I’m not exactly a Shyamalan apologist, although I do consider myself a huge fan. “The Sixth Sense” was a great movie, “Unbreakable” was even better, and “Signs” was his best. After that, was the total nonsense of “The Village” and “Lady in the Water.” Both of those are pretty indefensible pieces of shit, although I do enjoy watching them, merely for the so-strangely-bad they’re-compelling factor. I thought that “The Happening” was a very entertaining B movie, that wasn’t aiming any higher than being a B movie, and I have not seen “The Last Airbender.”


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How to Judge a Fantasy Novel Without Reading a Sentence (Part 2): The Page-To-Map Method

Missed the first installment? See Part 1.

What’s the best way to judge fantasy book in the most scientific way without reading a sentence? It’s a method called Page-To-Map (PTM). This method takes into account how long it takes for a map to appear in the book, whether 2 pages in, 10 pages in, or none at all. The sooner the map appears, the shittier the book.

We’ll go through the list of fantasy novels from when they were first released. We’ll be able to document whether the PTM has gotten better or worse as time went on. If the novels are part of a series, they will be judged based on the first installment. Now, before we begin…

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How To Judge A Fantasy Novel Without Reading a Sentence (Part 1): The Stages of a First-Impression

Tell me if this is at all familiar.

I open the book cautiously. I get past the title page without a problem. So far, so good. The next page is the one I turn with true trepidation. My fears are founded, as I come face to face with a two-page map.

Yeah, this is a map all right. Places I’ve never heard of before or care about at all. Okay, so I’ll suck it up this one time. My friend told me this series was good. I’ll try and ignore the author’s total display of arrogance and his egotistical opinion that his fantasy novel needs a fucking map in the beginning.

Did he include it so I wouldn’t get lost while reading? Is it there because it may come in handy for the reader to see visually where the characters live and where they are traveling? You must be joking.

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